Friday, January 30, 2009

"Time for Dry Weather"

I could feel my shirt sticking, damp with sweat, to the back of my neck. I made a conscious effort to straighten my posture and give a reassuring smile to the school nurse. She smiled back in a friendly way as she set up trays of little white plastic cups. I turned and made myself look busy. The day was finally here. I had worked so hard for her trust, for this position, for this moment in time. This was the moment when everything would change.

“I’ll be right back. I need to make a quick call.” I sent her another flirtatious smile, one of my best efforts. “Okay,” she responds, “but don’t be too long. They’ll be calling the kids down at any moment”. With a simple nod I turn into the cool safe corridor, keeping to the shadows as I head for the door.

“Mr. White, where are you going?” The voice stops me dead in my tracks.

“Mr. Whitcomb,” I greet the principal, “Just running out to my car for a moment. I forgot some of the paperwork necessary for today’s immunizations.” “Ah, paperwork,” the man grins, “the backbone of all school procedure. Don’t let me hold you up.” With a sip from the travel mug of coffee, he ambles away to his own morning business.

The blast of cool air outside is a welcome relief, and I feel the pressure of my own deceits subside, and the pleasure in a job well underway begins to rise to the surface. I move behind the old bus and reach for my cell, speed dialing one of the partners. He picks up on the first ring, and I identify myself with speed. “Rojas. Time for dry weather.” Clicking off, I replace the phone and inhale the sharp cool air. In five minutes, the water supply would no longer function, and any form of hand washing, or hygiene would be virtually eliminated.

That was not my part of the process, however. My responsibility to the plan still awaited. I hurried to the car, grabbing some blank white sheets. If the principal caught me again in the hall, my outright lie would be less apparent.

“I’m back. You need any more help setting up?”

“No, we’re ready” she smiles. “Thank goodness your team was able to get these immunization drinks for the student body. If the disease spread through town, it would be such a tragedy. All those lives lost for nothing, and these are just kids. Scary business, these germs. Thank God you are here.” Her blue eyes looked so open and grateful. If she only knew that all her mascara was going to run with the endless tears she would be shedding twenty-four hours from now.

“Would students from the first and second grades please report to the nurse’s office?” the annoying whine came over the loudspeaker. “Well,” I gave a daring wink, “Here goes nothing!”

The first students came in, a pretty blonde six-year old bravely taking a seat next to the nurse. “Down the hatch,” the nurse smiles as she hands the innocent white cup to the girl. “It doesn’t taste that bad, and it will keep you healthy and strong.”

Trustingly, the girl purses her lips and gulps down the drink. “It’s not bad,” she announces, “but I like chocolate milk better!” With a laugh and a pat, she is sent on her way to be replaced by a freckled boy, and then a smaller boy and the line moves on.

Each innocent face angered me more. They were users who just didn’t know it yet. They began by trusting the world only to be later crushed by worldly experience. Taught to be greedy consumers, to swallow limited resources and strip the world of beauty and wealth. They were mind-shaped by schools and government to grow into useless members of a corrupt society. They were vermin. And whether they knew it or not, their extermination would be a gift to the world.

Their death would mean a new chance for humankind to develop its true potential. I was proud to be among the shapers, a piece of the corporate plan that was unfolding in countless schools across the nation. These small towns would soon face the wrath of epidemic, the fury of a germ storm that would wreak havoc and break society. It would strip the nation bare and ready it for rebirth.

The hours of planning, the artificial approval of vaccines for general use, true vaccines that were then replaced by advanced mixtures of viral genius, the members who worked their way into trusted staff positions so that the deceptions could take place…there were hours, months, years of cooperative planning that were at this moment being swallowed by elementary children everywhere, And these children were carriers of contagion. The beauty and perfection of planning was breathtaking.

I watched as a tall dark child hesitated before downing the mixture. I wished I could have reassured him that he would never face the pain of being an adult in this doomed artificial society, and that his sacrifice would ensure the ultimate survival and happiness of his race. Those inoculated, like myself, had a true education. We would survive and breed and create a world deserving of its existence.

The nurse turned to me once more, and handed me more cups to refill. “You really are a savior,” she smiled. “These kids have no idea how lucky they are.”

“I know,” I replied. “I know.”


8 comments:

Nick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chris the thug menard said...

the conflict of the story was that this terrorist group was taking over the world with and germ that made people sick. this was internal. it was resolved by killing all those little kids.i wasn't really invest by the conflict because it as kind of boring and didn't make much sense.
it seems that the protagonist has gotten a lot more kinder because he realized the little kids and thought they were cute.i think that it made him feel much different about killing all of these kids. if the character didn't change then he wouldn't care what they did and it would be gory.
my favorite part of the story was when he said the sweat was dripping from his neck.
the only good thing is the use of word that nick uses.he has lots of nice adjectives and similes and metaphors.
the theme of the story was that you should be happy of your life. the little kids didn't have long before they would die after they had drank the germs.
i think that the author needs to revise his endings because it isn't that good because the story just ends very quick. i don't like how it just leaves you hanging like that.

Jack said...

The conflict of the story was that the main character is trying to eliminate all of the children through the use of some sort of biological weapon disguised as a vaccine. It was resolved by all of the children in the school unknowingly drinking the deathly concoction. I was very invested in the resolution of the conflict. It would be more dramatoc if we found out what happened to the kids that drank the "vaccine".
The main character didn't really change throughout the story because the entire thing takes only a few hours, and therefore there was no epiphany or "aw snap" moment.
My favorite part of the story was when the main character explains how everyone is a useless member of a corrupt society.This occurred in the rising action."The blast of cool air outside is a welcome relief, and I feel the pressure of my own deceits subside, and the pleasure in a job well underway begins to rise to the surface." I liked this quote because of the wonderful diction(well done Nick).
The best quality if the story has to be the effective word choice. The words that Nick uses really helps to create a strong mental image.
The only thing that I could decipher as a theme would be that society in general is ignorant and is constantly being manipulated by the people in charge.Before Mr.BG grades the story, You need to check that the verb tenses agree. In the first and second paragraph especially, I noticed that you jumped from present tense to past tense.

Nathaniel said...

I- The conflict is that the main character wants to eliminate all little kids because he thinks they are bad for society. The conflict is external because it is affecting others and he is killing others and he is working with others. The conflict is resolved by the main character successfully poisoning the children. The climax was very dramatic.

II- The story only takes place over a span of a few hours so the main character doesn’t change much. He just goes through with his plan.

III- My favorite part was the resolution when everything came together. A quote that I liked from the resolution is “Those inoculated, like myself, had a true education. We would survive and breed and create a world deserving of its existence.” I liked that quote because it explained the main characters plan to basically take over the world with a few others.

IV- The tales best quality is that I didn’t know what was happening until the end. I was wondering throughout what he had gained trust for, and why did they turn the water off.

V- The story’s theme is that children are brainwashed. The children were trusting of the nurse and the main character because they were convinced by the principal that germs were evil.

VI- I think the author needs to make the theme more apparent, but all in all it was great. (Sort of creepy to think about)

eric pouliot said...

The conflict of the story is that Nick wants to destroy all of the little elemantary kids from the face of the earth so he can have his own perfect race. The conflict is external. The conflict is resolved by Nick continuing to fill up cups to kill the children. I think that the conflict could have been more dramatic if the children knew that they were trying be killed and put up a fight and ended up revolting against Nick.

I dont think that the protagonist really changed over time because the story only takes up about an hour or so, so there is not really any time for the main character to change ovr this time period.

My favorite part of the story was the resolution because that is when Nick is refilling more cups of this biologicl terrorist drug to kill the rest of the little defenseless kids and he is happy about it. This part of the story happened in the resolution of the story.“Those inoculated, like myself, had a true education. We would survive and breed and create a world deserving of its existence.” I liked this part of the story because it was a very good example of word choice and description.

I think that the tale's best quality was the conflict because the little kids did not actually know that they were drinking a substance that was going to kill them, they thought that they were getting treated for something. I think that the author plants the seeds by convincing the nurse that is was a vaccine to help them live, instead it was going to kill them. It grew when the kids came to the nurs'e office and drank the killer liquid.

I think that the story's theme is that the kids have no clue what is going on. I think that this is a pretty good idea because the kids are drinking something that is ging to kill them when they think that it is actually going to help them live. I think that there should be a more defined theme though that makes more sense because the story would be easier to understand.

I think that the author of this short story should make sure that his dialogue is seperated from the other paragraphs so that it is organized and makes sense. I also think that the author should try to extend the resolution of the story because I thought that it was going real well until it just abbruptly ended. Those are the only things that I think the author should change if he wants to get a good grade on this assignment.

chris said...

1. I Think that the main character in the story was trying to eliminate all the little kids in the society because he didn't want them corrupting the society. I think this was an internal conflict because it was something that the main character wanted from inside him. He wanted the children dead.
2. The main character doesnt really change over time, he still feels the same about wanting to kill all the children in the world. This is really weird but good at the same time nick. if the character did change then he would have stopped the childrn from drinking the drink so that they all wouldnt die.
3. my favorite part of the story was when the character was telling the nurse not to take too long because the kids would be coming down soon. This was my favorite part because it was funny how this guy was like harrasing the nurse. This occured in the expositon of nick's story.
4. The tales best quality was description. Nick really explained what he thought about the world and our socierty, and how the chjildren should all be dead, because they will all be future users. he talked about the society, and repopultaing a little too.
5. I dont really think the story had a theme.
6. Ther are only a few little grammatical errors that nick could fix, but other than thatthe story was really good. But i did find it a little scary because he wanted to kill all the little kids.

Nick said...

The FINAL REFLECTION!


The largest change I have made from my original story until now is that i changed the title and I read it over and edited a couple of weird sounding sentences. I know and I understand that it sounds like i havent done much, but I really have, it took more thought process to write the story itself then I think I have. :) I personally believe that the most helpful form of peer editing was the comments. I did not like the packet because it felt like it was too indirect and kids wanted to just finish it instead of put time into it, i didnt even read mine because i knew it wasn't thorough. I believe that my story's greatest strength was that it had beautiful vocabulary that makes everyones ears flutter with love. If I had to suggest one thing to next years kids, I would tell them to make your stroy around spelling words because it is way to hard to find ways to put words in. I would rather make a story around words than adapt a perfectly good story to fit words.

Nick said...

I would like my reader feel like my story has opened their mind the smallest bit. I believe that having an open mind on topics is probably the wisest thing you can do. I want people to see that everyone in todays society is mind washed, including myself. I personally think that my whole piece works well, :). I like that i hold off on all the details until the end. I thought that writing about terrorism was fairly easy. It was kind of hard to write all of what i needed to say in the right order, and have it make sense, its hard to explain. Well i havent totally finished yet, i havent put in 14 words yet but im working on it. I havent had enough time to work it in yet.